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per amica silentia lunae

or, across the ferny brae with the evil voodoo celt

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Mythical Journeys - filling my well
One of the things I came to Mythical Journeys for was to re-balance myself. This past summer was... wearying, I guess I would call it. Losing three old but still beloved pets was a big part of it, for certain... that, and the hard times that some of my friends were going through, and a thousand other things that weren't much in and of themselves but added up to being a considerable amount of salt on the tailfeathers, as it were. My Dad's recent health scare was an added salt-shaker full...

Let's add in my course at CHS for the Fall session- it's "Call of the Dark Mother", an exploration of dying, death, burial and grieving from a Pagan point of view. Absolutely essential for me at this time- I did my first graveside service and my first funeral in the same week this year, for the fathers of two different dear friends. I think I did pretty well, but I knew I needed to get some more back-up in this area. So I had no doubts about taking the course when it was offered. That being said, it's not the easiest material in the world to deal with- I wasn't actually suffering, but it was an extra weight.

So when events conspired to put me into the Sacred Romance track at MJ, I knew that one of the reasons I was there- that I was meant to be there- was to balance out some of that death and dragging with more life-affirming energy and activity. To "refill my well" (paraphrasing divalion). I had already been prodded a bit in that direction by Ezili Freda, but it wasn't exactly a hard sell.

I knew I would get something out of this past weekend just by being there- time spent at Ramblewood is good almost regardless of what I do there; it's just such a refreshing and protected space. I was jonesing so hard to get there that the heavy traffic on the way up was almost infuriating- and since I'd made a vow to watch my cursing in the days leading up to the event, I didn't have much of an outlet. ;-) i_scribble was very patient with my muttering and whining... she's a fine travel companion and we had an excellent free-ranging conversation that made the time on the road not seem so onerous.

But once I got there, the tension started to dissipate. It took a little time, and there was one omen that I thought at first was bad, but after discussing it with divalion, determined that it was good... really good. And I realized later that some of my anxious feelings were because my heart chakra was kind of open and I was vulnerable and changes were occurring and going to continue to occur.

I determined at some time in the weekend that my mantra for MJ was "I am not here to nurture anyone but myself." I think I did pretty well at that, too. I managed to keep thoughts of the outside world, work, the future, etc. to a minimum- even pushing aside anticipation of the upcoming cruise. I took enough time for myself, time to just appreciate the beauty of the land.

divalion's curriculum really helped- so much of it was designed to be relaxing, fun, sensually appealing, sense-opening, etc. Even the introspective parts were rejuvenating as well as challenging. And there's something about identifying with an archetype and participating in a mythic story that has an amazing restorative power. Even if the story involves your death and resurrection. ;-)

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You absolutely need to nurture yourself too. I know you helped me, both by letting me chat, and giving me useful links, so if I can help you lemme know? Even if it's just sending good energy.

I often, always, want to help my friends--and over the past two or so years, I've had to learn when and how to step back, so I don't drain myself completely. Sometimes, that's even just saying "I love you, I hear you, and I want to help, but right now I can't help you and myself...I will help you as soon as I am stable again" or something to that effect.

Really, I'm just agreeing and affirming that YES, you absolutely need to take care of yourself too. And again, lemme know if I can help. For now? E-hugs and support you definitely can have! *HUGHUGHUGHUG*

Thank you for the hugs.

Part of what I need to do is be more open about when I need stuff... at least post to LJ about it.


You were muttering and whining? I don't remember that. *g*

(Seriously, I remember you commenting on the traffic, which is what I would have done, in your case-- and I think I did.)

well, grumbling and trying not to swear, at least.

just something lovely for your day

Beautiful Dreamer
Stephen Foster

Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me,
Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee;
Sounds of the rude world heard in the day,
Lull'd by the moonlight have all pass'd away!

Beautiful dreamer, queen of my song,
List while I woo thee with soft melody;
Gone are the cares of life's busy throng.

Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!
Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!

Beautiful dreamer, out on the sea,
Mermaids are chaunting the wild lorelie;
Over the streamlet vapors are borne,
Waiting to fade at the bright coming morn.

Beautiful dreamer, beam on my heart,
E'en as the morn on the streamlet and sea;
Then will all clouds of sorrow depart,

Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!

Edited at 2008-10-17 04:45 pm (UTC)

Re: just something lovely for your day

lovely... thank you... ::hugs::

Hi Hugh,
I'm not sure if you get comments sent to you or not. But I often go back and reread posts that friends make on important topics. Rebecca's post just a couple days ago on how to celebrate Valentines' Day got me thinking about this past MJ. So I'm rereading your post. Why am I posting (and rambling)... I was really trying to put myself back in that moment. I must have succeeded... I could practically smell one of your scented oils. Thank you for your hugs at the event. I never expected what happened the ordeal that I got. It was something that had been working inside of me. I feel like I've lost a bit of that momentum but am on a new track and exploring Buddhism.
Thank you,

Yes, I do get comments emailed to me. I'm happy my post helped you get back into the MJ moment... it was truly a wonderful and powerful time, and I'm glad you were part of it.

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